Good Morning Guys!
Happy Funday!
Hope you all doing good! Today I came here not to share anything but rather ask a question, a conundrum which I am not able to solve and reach a logical conclusion.
Let me explain the background first. Every individual is independent (naturally and ideally). Hence their thought processes and ideologies can’t be the same.
Some time these differences create division. Out of division people starts hating each other. Their hate surfaces in numerous forms. It may be in the form of verbal spate, abuse or even physical assaults.
Imagine a situation when somebody hates you and he/she never leaves any stone unturned to denounce you from any platform. You know the behavior of the person. You know out of evil he/she is doing those thing.
And here comes my question…
What would be your response to such a negative person who has a prejudiced eye to see you and venomous mouth against you?
Out of two, which course will you take against him/her?
- Gandhi Ji mantra “An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind”
Or
- As a famous saying goes “Tit for Tat”
Let me know your views and help me in reaching to some conclusion. I am not saying that majority will shape my mind but at least will give me understanding about how one feel on this issue.
Please comment from your inner belief, and not from your morally shaped ideas. Also share the logic behind your choice, if you can!
the ETERNAL tryst 
If there is this someone who hates us and never misses a chance to bring us down, we always have the choice to walk away. There is no point in arguing with someone who would never understand you. So why fight when you can walk away and never turn back. 🤷 It is not as easy as it sounds, but once we build our boundaries and not let people break it, we will be strong enough not to be affected by their snide remarks.
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Very relevant point, but will not it hurt your ego? Will not your dignity have a serious hit? Will not your confidence plunge to lowest point every time you hear the diatribe of the same person against you?
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My question is, why do you want to be around such a negative person always? Once you know that someone is negative, maybe give them a chance or two and try talking about your boundaries, they don’t understand or appreciate, walk away. That is what I meant by we always have a choice.
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I agree Rekha! Thank You for your opinion.
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Absolutely – I am 100% with Rekha – and I have done this several times – even with family. There was never a blow to the ego. On the contrary, I felt as if I were finally the one back in control of the situation.
We have a limited time in this life – who we choose to spend it with is an important choice. You wouldn’t waste good money on things you not only didn’t value but actually made you feel worse? Why would you do that with your precious time?
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Yes Todd! Even I concurred with her. But I think sometime the situation is not easy to handle, suppose you have a colleague working with you and he/she is having the same nature as I described, what will you do at that time. Will you change your job? And leg pullers are always there wherever you go…So moving on is not always feasible. Isn’t it?
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Excellent point. I hadn’t thought about work. In that case, I have only experienced it 3-4 times in my 30 or so years of working. The first was a summer job when I had just finished being a student. I did try to establish boundaries, but saw that the workplace culture was part of the problem. As it was simply a summer job and not in my career path anyway I left and found a job that was more in line.
The second time I can think of was with a colleague who was incredibly irritating. In this case I had to deal with it – I kept my boundaries and pushed back when he’d push them. In the end, though, much of what made dealing with him difficult was a personality that eventually got him fired. Problem solved 🙂
The last time was with a customer who was particularly difficult. That’s a bit tricky – but my boss was supportive – in part because of the fact that this sort of thing almost never happens – once every 10 years or so is it. And so I was moved to another project.
So my advice for work is to maintain your boundaries – push back when they’re irritating, and know that it won’t be forever. And if it’s really awful without any sign of change after some time, then maybe you do need to consider moving on.
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Well, Thank You very much Todd for very elaborate explanation. I second you. I think striking a balance is the crux.
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Absolutely, Todd. We have just one life to live, so why live it with the wrong ones?
Thanks for the comment, Todd. 😀
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I have posed a question to Todd, you may also come in the firing line and answer that 😀
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I just read his reply and I totally agree. The only reason why people hurt us or make hurtful remarks is because we forgot to/did not set boundaries. Do whatever it is that you can from your side, make them understand to respect your boundaries, give them a chance or two if they make mistakes or cross your boundaries, then if nothing works, it again comes to the same point that I initially made. We always have a choice. Can’t tolerate it any further? Then find another job and move on. The more time you spend with a negative person, the more negative your life will be.
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Yes, his explanation is excellent. “The more time you spend with a negative person, the more negative your life will be.”
Point taken.
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सच कहा आपने, जितने इंसान उतने मत और ये भी सत्य है कि सभी अपने मत पर अडिग होते हैं नतीजा विवाद जन्म लेता है फिर नफरत,छल,और अहम की बलिबेदी पर प्रेम आहूत हो जाता है।अगर यही विचार आपस में मिल जाएं तो प्रेम की धारा बह जाए।
मगर ताकतवर और महत्वाकांक्षी व्यक्ति अपने विचार को सदैव दूसरों पर थोपता है।ऐसे में अगर पहले विचार को अपनाएं तो समर्पण और समझौते में मिली जिंदगी हमेशा हारी नजर आएगी और दूसरे विचार में जिंदगी रहे ना रहे ग्लानि नहीं रह जायेगी।एक न एक दिन लादे गए विचार को भागना होगा।
हाँ हमें अपनी सीमा रेखा का उलंघन नही करना मगर कोई हमारी सीमा रेखा में हस्तक्षेप करे तो जैसा को तैसा नियम चलेगा।
हमें भीख नहीं अधिकार चाहिए।
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Bilkul sahi hai Madhu bhai….Par apna reaction kya ho, ispar mujhe sandeh hai. Kya aggressive hokar unhe Jawab den, ya ignore karen? Ignore karna kahin hamari weakness to nahi samjhi jayegi?
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uskaa jawab to maine diya hai bhayee ji.
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Haan! Par seema rekha ek abhasiya rekha hai, cricket ki boundry line ki tarah dikhti nahi hai. Shukriya!
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First ignore. If persists and you have adequate muscle and backup strategy, still ignore and try to patch up. If still does not help, threaten and last option beat him up. Of course your muscle must be better than his.
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🤣🤣🤣
Hilarious!! Let me hire some bouncers!
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That is the idea. Cannot beat them, beat them up.
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Been there, done that! I just ignore for my peace of mind.
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Hmm..Most plausible approach, it seems!
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Yes. Works for me 🙂😊
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You seems to be good at Yoga…A stoic personality.
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No yoga all for me. I do have feelings but do not show much of it externally 🙂
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Hm, this can be quite a tricky situation although it depends a lot on the person we’re dealing with. We can never be sure what a person of this kind will have up his sleave since they leave no stone unturned, just as you said. Hence, having a calm mind would help you conjure a comeback instantly. Remember to never let their words influence your thought process. As far as your approach is concerned, if i were in your place I’d avoid the person completely after I’m done trying to comprehend their problem & viewpoint. If that doesn’t work out then the person is in for some deep trouble. It’s really difficult to infuriate but once people succeed in doing so, it makes things a lot worse for them. 😊 I hope this helps!
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Hi Nameera!
Thank you for your detailed response! I think it’s a generic issue, faced by many. So there must be a common strategy to tackle!
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The common strategy would be to make yourself impervious to their comments. It’s the simplest and perhaps the most important trick that keeps your mind in a positive state.
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To remain sangfroid is a tough ask! Theoretically sounds good, but the heat of the moments sweeps the intelligence 😀
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True that. 😀
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